Simple Method That Professionals Use to Talk With Confidence

The Invisible Talent
Apr 10, 2019
3 min read

Updated: Sep 18, 2019

“We hate small talk because we hate the barrier it creates between people.” - Psychologist Laurie Helgoe, author of Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

As introverts or people of quiet nature small talk is not an activity we enjoy participating in. But what if there is a way to make it more meaningful to you?

In a conversation with my guest Dalton Lewis on The Invisible Talent Podcast, he mentions a simple tactic called the FORD method. Today I am going to share with you what this one simple tactic is and how it can help to make small talk more feasible and meaningful to you. After reading this blog you will be able to have a conversation with more confidence.

The FORD method

The FORD acronym stands for Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dream and it’s a technique to help start a conversation without the awkward silences by asking question-related to these 4 categories. This method works in any social situation such as:

Dinner

Parties

Live Shows

Dating

Family Reunion

Family

The one thing we have in common is Family. Here you can start by asking questions such as:

Do you have any children?
Do you have sisters or brothers?
Do you have a big family?

This way you get to know the person better and you come off as someone that is fascinating in the person.

Occupation

Sometimes people ask you what you do for a living so that they can calculate the level of respect to give you. You don't want to be want of those people. That is why the typical question “What do you do? Is not necessarily the right way of asking. Think of more different ways to frame the question. Something like “How do you spend your time?” is better. That slight difference makes people give a more thoughtful answer. Plus, you may not come off as a person that is only interested in materials.

Recreation

We all have hobbies and things we do just for fun. So finding common ground is a great way to sparkle a new depth into the conversation. Here are some helpful questions:

What are you most excited about right now
What do you for fun
How do you spend your weekends
Do you read books? which one would recommend me?
What are your favorite film?
Did you watch [mention a famous film here]
What is your favorite sport?

Dreams

As an introvert, we like deep conversations. In this category, you get the chance to really shine and get to know the person on a deeper level. This category is about mostly about goals. This is where introvert gets to build a more meaningful relationship

Here are some example to continue the conversation:

where do you see yourself in 5 years?
You have a lot of experience never thought about starting with your business as [fill in the occupation].
What’s the worst career advice you’ve ever received? And how about the best advice?
If you are the boss what the first thing you would change in your work environment?

Tips

The key here is to ask open-ended questions. Also, when you are the one being asked than try to answer more than one word. For example: if they ask you one simple question like "how are you doing". Instead of say "good" you can say something like: "I am doing well, I woke up early today to excise today, I have been struggling to keep up with it lately. And BOOM! You got something to talk about. This can even go further and may end up talking about habits (learn more about habit of confidence people here).

Also, don’t be discouraged when you notice that you are trying to talk to people and find that they may not be interested. It doesn't matter, confidence comes practising. Don't take the rejection personally, it has nothing to do with you.

Lastly, even though you might experience small talk as superficial I encourage you to look at it as a foundation to start a real meaningful conversation. To learn more about how to improve your communication skills listen to our Podcast here where I, together with my guest Dalton Lewis talk about communication skill for people of quiet nature.

PODCAST: http://bit.ly/communicationpodcast

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